The problem comes when you look at your overweight husband piddling on his iPhone while ignoring the kids, after having spent the entire Saturday playing golf following a week of working late every night combined with mandatory happy hour since he needs his "Me Time." Or when you overhear your wife equating your relative worth and value as a human being to Casey Anthony to her mother during her nightly venting session before mocking your attempts at physical intimacy by laying out every mistake you ever committed with detail that makes you question whether she has hidden cameras. Kind of hard to drum up respect for a guy who doesn't deserve it and it seems stupid to lay your heart out out for a woman that looks to devour you unless you develop telepathy and never make a mistake. So if you go with the compromise route then everyone gets what they deserve and no one is really loved. But if you decide to submit and respect the husband who doesn't deserve it and love the unlovable wife, then everyone gets their needs met and we become far more likely to become respectable and lovable - that is speaking life into our spouse.
A warning needs to be thrown out here that often when we start trying to be a better spouse and submitting we are really just caving, building resentment across time, unless we start getting some payback. That's not change, that's exchange - it's quid-pro-quo compromise just on layaway. So either we become the spouse God has called us to be out of submission to him, not our spouse, or we build in frustration looking to get paid back. Basically if we respond to our spouses by what they deserve we give them very little but if we respond to God's love poured out on us by loving our spouses unconditionally we give them our all. It's ultimately what we want for our kids - that they will find someone who will love them like we do, and that even if they screw up their spouse will be everything they need - the same God wants for his children. So when you see God as your heavenly father-in-law it gives you a different perspective on how to treat your spouse. You can tell me you love me all day long but if you treat my kid like crap then I don't really buy it. So maybe the greatest test of your love for God is how you tangibly treat His son or daughter - Ouch.